Thursday, February 12, 2009

Things That Piss Me Off Part 1 of Infinty

Besides for pizza and blowjobs there are a few and far in between things that don't piss me off. And were not talking about kinda mad, I'm talking about fucking irate. Here are a few things that make me wanna jerk off with sandpaper.

#1 Left turns in New Jersey
Is this a fucking joke, is it possible? Seriously, every left turn in New Jersey is a gigantic cluster fuck, a jug handle and left turn signal gang bang of AIDS cocks that cum blood in to your eyes as you wait 15 fucking minutes to make a fucking left turn. And what in the fuck is Asbury Circle, it's a direct relative of the Bermuda Triangle and with similar rules. As soon as you enter your fucked, it's a fucking free for all, no fucking lanes, turns all over the fuck place and the signs are completely fucked, the only thing that makes less sense than Asbury Circle is Scientology.


#2 Constant Facebook Status Updates

If I really gave half ( not even a whole) flying fuck about you watching Dancing With The Stars, I would ask you about it. Or how about the simple period. Wow bro real original, your fucking original and so deep. Please fuck off and stop recording your every waking moment as your Facebook status.

#3 Twisty Ties

Hey you know really makes me wish I were giving a bus aid a rim job? Losing twisty ties. It's fucking impossible to keep track of these little fuckers. You take them off a loaf of bread or some shit and the next thing you know BAM fucking gone. The real kick in the balls is that twisty ties are usually bright fucking red, why can't they have that plastic tabs like english muffins? Twisty ties are completely fucked and so is your bread because it's going to be stale now.

#4 The Inkwell

Fuck man, I really don't even know where to start with this one. First, off it's a wooden shit hole with 3 fucking parking spaces that's always packed. Packed with the worst people, who you ask?
Ex-girlfriends, lame kids that you graduated with, mall kids ( they have to chain smoke some where when the mall closes) and usually the fucktard that dragged you there at 11 o'clock of a shitty boring night. To make matters worse, your waitress is some ugly meth addict cunt that looks at you like your covered in dog shit brings you to your table that's fucking old and creaky. No seriously, the table from the last supper was divided in sections and used for the Inkwell's seating, that's how fucking old they are. Make sure you grab a board game to because the person you probably went with is most likely a complete fucktard since they brought you there in the first place and Candy Land might seem like an advanced and challenging game to them. Next your ugly druggie scumbag bitch cunt waitress throws the menu you at you. Now you can decide between which shitty coffee you want to pay $7 for and what grilled cheese you'd like to spend your college savings on. Finally, your food gets here, and you know what makes matters worse, you can't see your shitty over priced food because the Inkwell is pitch fucking black at all times, like Akon black. After your done eating leave a shitty tip and start walking, not walking to your car, walk straight to the ocean and drown yourself because you spent $40 at the shittiest- uppity wanna- be -Brooklyn- pretentious -coffee house in existence.


And because I love the 2 people that probably mad it this far through my rant, I'm interviewing my friends for my blog. So, if you want to be interviewed tell me.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ex-girlfriends

gahahahahahha i'm always at the inkwell i lol'd and fuck you justin we had some fun times at the inkwell

Anonymous said...

hahahahhhhaahhahhaahahhah, we had some good times at the inkwell

Anonymous said...

interview mee!

Anonymous said...

#3 is beyond truth...usually i just spin the bag and and knot that shit to prevent staleness.

Anonymous said...

justin it's taylor. you need to update this more often because i'm actually entertained by your rants. thanks

Anonymous said...

i read it