People That Need To Die

Fuck the funny introduction, here are a list of people that need to die. These are the type of people that you feel embarrassed for, the people you avoid in public, and the people that make you wish that you were a blowjob instead of actually being conceived. In other words, I'd rather activate a bear trap with my ball sack than spend more then 2 minutes with these people.



1. Bluetooth People/ Stupid Fucking Chirp Phone People.



You might see one of these people and think " Hmmm... secret service agent, Star Trek character, member of a boy band?" No, it's just some asshole that needs to constantly be talking to some other Bluetooth fuck head about nothing. The day I need a neon blue tampon strapped to my fucking ear and babbling incessantly is the same day I need to rip my fucking ear off, Bluetooth still attached and shove it up my pisshole sideways, afterward walking directly in oncoming traffic.



First of all you look like you bought your phone from Home Depot, look at the fucking thing, It looks like it's about to turn into a fucking Transformer. But that's not the end of it, then these people have worthless conversations, like more worthless than people in wheelchairs. The conversations are usually along these lines. *Chirp* "YO....AYO!!!" *Chirp* YO MUUHHFUGEN NOTHIN YO, WHAT CHU DOIN?!"*Chirp* " I'm jus sittin' here, with a chirping phone, screaming in public like an asshole, by the way my phones hanging from a fucking string on my neck." Why can't these people just call each other, do you really want someone screaming at you at all times of the day? Instead of sitting near the food court of Monmouth Mall cursing all day, you should take your glorified walkie-talkie and fuck off. Maybe move into the wilderness and stop bothering humanity.

2. Guidos



Oh my fucking god, where do I start? First of all these people look like they take naps in tanning beds, they're literally orange, almost like the Simpsons. Second of all, they have large groups of men jerk off furiously into their hair to make it stand up in a giant jizz crusted spike. Then they wear shirts that are fucking tighter than rash guards, because nothing screams macho like a Baby Gap sized t-shirt covered in glitter and tigers, fucking morons. When will they realize that people in Italy aren't wearing lip gloss and waxing their eyebrows? These people pollute the Joisey Shure, they pump their fists not their gas, and dance horribly to the worst techno music, what do they offer to society? Nothing, that's why we should send them to the sun.


3. Dog The Bounty Hunter's Wife



Besides for making a family of inbred backwood incestuous barbarians that look like the people from The Hills Have Eyes, you've done one other thing. You've made Hawaii look like a giant floating trailer park. Take your husband that looks like a homeless Walker Texas Ranger and your tits that look like garbage bags full of cottage cheese and hop into one of those volcanoes, thanks.

4.Mall Kids



These assholes sit outside of the mall and chain smoke, and just overall annoy the fuck out of everyone. Why do they come to the mall? Vampires don't hang outside of Lenscrafters and try to bum cigarettes. I'm gonna lynch one of these fuckers with their Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie they've been wearing for 3 years or maybe I could kill a few more by putting landmines near some Newports and a My Chemical Romance CD.

5.People That Tag Me In These Pictures...

So, you log on Facebook and this happens...





Holy fuck, 70 notifications, that's so cool. Let me check them out....



It's all picture comments from a bunch of random fuckheads I don't know and I've been tagged in a picture with them. Let me go see this picture...



Fuck my life. It's a bunch of people going LULZ I'm the Cool Guy or The Tall Guy.

The next time one of you scumbags tags me in these, don't tag me as the Funny Guy or the Angry One, tag me as The One That's Doing 25 To Life In A Maximum Security Prison For Beating Me To Death With A Shovel.

Hope you guys enjoyed. Shout out to Tit.